Letters and Learns from the Pandemic

It's been three years since lockdown. I remember the afternoon I left a meeting in the West Loop, met my husband and said: "I think we need to go grocery shopping and then work from home for a long time." We went straight from work to an Aldi and stocked up on essentials with what felt like all of Chicago. I grew up in a family that used a calculator to buy groceries, the stings of food insecurity run deep. When the city was set to lock down, all I could think about was getting a dry pantry set up to ride it out.

Much of that year is a blur already. My husband and I settled into our new routines. We made good use of our tiny condo and considered ourselves lucky that we could piece together a living from home. I feared the worst financially. The arts are always the first thing to get cut in the budget. I already rode out the 9/11 and the 2008 housing crash; it bankrupted me. I was just starting to make progress. I took deep breaths and focused on abundance.

I got to work on a pandemic project. I collected letters to the future and sent them to the Smithsonian to document the times. I was grateful to our internet lifeline that kept us sane. I lost a lot of jobs. They canceled, rescheduled and canceled again. As an LLC, I relied on PUA and small business grants to make it. Without them, I'd have been in real trouble. I was shocked when I received help financially. That was the first time in my adult life that I felt what it would be like to not struggle during a crisis. Like many, I wondered where this kind of societal support was all along.

Poetry Submission from NYC; created during lockdown.

I got smart and did my best to pivot to online virtual events. They kept me busy and I was grateful for that. Virtual productions were a bandaid but I learned so much from having to direct and teach people through zoom. I learned that my value was not in my tools. My most expensive lenses didn't matter when it was dangerous to be in production. It was my creativity, my ability to adapt and my hard earned skills that mattered.

I was able to step off the cycle of grind culture and got a real taste of what it would be like to not work 18 hour days for little pay. I started recording voice-overs for books, ghost writing freelance and was able to take back my time.

Photo submission from Letters From The Pandemic: “This is the watch of a dead man. He died of Covid-19 a few days ago. My team and I spent multiple hours in sweaty plastic isolation gear trying in vain to save him. I took care of him in ICU for three nights before that. Nothing we did worked, and he slowly suffocated over a week.”

Now, as the world races back to pre-pandemic paces. It feels like humanity has learned nothing. We've all gone blurry on the trauma we endured together. How much we needed each other. The pace of life was not sustainable before but we've emerged at what feels like a faster pace. I am fighting hard to maintain that balance.

In much of the letters submitted to my project, every single one talked about this. How important it would be to take what we've learned and apply it on the other side. I am still waiting for that collective consciousness to emerge into action.

Currently Watching: Succession

Succession was a slow burn for me. I started watching and fell into the "Why would I watch a show about terrible people?" camp. Art is subjective and I just assumed it wasn't made for someone like me. I was missing the appeal. A curious mind asks why. So I gave it a chance week after week. Spoilers ahead. Go no further if you have not finished the series.

It was around the middle of season one when I uncovered my own reason for hating it: I live in that world. Where white supremacy and toxic masculinity collide. I live in a world that second guesses me, my talent and my abilities. That would sooner chew me up and spit me out to maintain the status quo. I have access to all the privilege that my white skin affords me but my womanhood has barriers to achieving them. Historically, I prized my ability to play in the "boys club." Slinging insults, being one step ahead of them and plotting my revenge. I was and still am a version of Shiv.

That's when I started to understand. Shiv embodies white feminism and its alignment to power. She is a barrier to change. A tragic churning. A beacon of warning. She trades her femininity for power suits. Slings her quippy comebacks and meanness. Fights aimlessly to outsmart her brothers while they gaslight her into thinking she isn't as cunning. With money and access to political systems, she's dangerous. She's a mean girl with all the resources of an empire. Men are too attracted and terrified to work next to her and that complication, where she wielded flirting to get ahead, screws her over in the end. Her character is the most hotly debated right now. Whether she is a victim of misogyny or a bitch. Surely she can't be both or have any nuance *sarcasm*. That's excellent writing.

Succession is modern Shakespeare. It's Hamlet. It's Macbeth. The characters are not glorified. They are warnings. Each one a characterization of the tragic ends of power. Of aristocracy. It's Game of Thrones but in bland corporate offices and private jets. It's Survivor. Full of social blindsides. Each character scheming for its social climb at the expense of the other. Outwit, Outsmart, Outlast. The insults are brilliant: “Do you bite your thumb at me sir?” Shakespearian.

The weight of Shibon's predictable end is HEAVY. As an Ophelia who chose a proselytizing social climber as a mate; her father, she's accepted her fate. THAT ending was *chef's kiss* perfect. THIS shot:

In one single shot, with that perfect wet fish hand hold, she slides herself back into power proximity and the cycle repeats. Tossing herself into the river and drowning in the toxic masculinity flow. It is every white woman who's ever stood in the way of progress. Choosing a crown and safety over a shakeup.

Growing up in a community where men were prized over women, I was often beat down by the male authority figures in my life for being an "insufferable know it all and having opinions." The audacity at which I sought to be treated as equal often shot down by calling me a: "bitch, bossy, pushy, opinionated, emotional, stuck up and smarmy cunt." The men in my life were allowed to throw tantrums and make mistakes only to be seen as leaders and celebrated. I was not. I am still called all those things. They just don't hurt anymore.

As a female director, I often walk onto a set and am confused for the hair and make up crew. AV crews at the events I work would dismiss me and then take my solutions for problems and pass them off as their own. I am talked over a lot in meetings. I've lost opportunities for not being able to "bro-it" with a crew. I've watched less talented peers be promoted or hired for jobs while I danced circles around them. It didn't matter how hard I worked to fit in. I never would. That is not a "poor me," statement. I have been blessed with the courage to forge my own paths.

The glorious midlife maturity hit me and I let that all go. I divorced myself from trying to be masculine “to win,” and decided to not care. I began undoing the doing of our society. One that sought to keep me in a binary box. Doing so coincided with my untangling from the power structures that are entrenched in our world. A decolonization. A realization of what living in capitalism really means. I began experimenting with shifting my alignment from male power to my alignment to community. To heal the abrasive teenage girl who experienced misogyny at every turn. I am by no means perfect at this but I now fully understand that for me to be free - the most marginalized among us need to be free. Sign me up for team abolition. I saw clearly how many of my personal hang-ups were actually systems ingrained to maintain power and I have much to learn. My internal struggles to matter, didn't, I already mattered. It was the world that was backwards, so fuck 'em. Perhaps that is my purpose. To live a gloriously untangled life free from the trappings my grandmother's experienced. To travel freely, own my own business, choose not to have kids, to set down those privileges and dig into my community. To choose men who uplift me and dismiss those who don’t. That is an ongoing project that never stops.

Shiv did no such internal work and she doesn't have to. She has money. Our society often confuses the “having of money,” as also being intelligent and smart. But out of all the children, she's the smartest, the most in-tune with her audiences at the media company and the best at working the politics needed to be successful. She could walk away and have all the skills to build whatever she wants. That can not be said for any other character. They all fall apart without their alignment to power. Shiv could have the world. But that's not what she chose.

In the boardroom, when she runs before the vote I thought " this is it!," this is the moment she blows it up. Fight Club style. Cue the Pixie's, Where is my Mind. Blow it up! When Tom whispers to "meet him in the car," after being crowned king, I wanted to see her in the rear view mirror. Waving with glee as he drives off. I wanted to see her turn around and walk away.

And then, there she was. Sitting. Waiting for Tom. That felt right for the show. Shiv can't stand watching her brothers win after a lifetime of playing third fiddle but she is unwilling to leave the toxic soup and start over.

Succession was not coy about rooting the narrative in real life. That's the scariest part of it all. If you've ever worked in a fortune 500 company with a CEO, you'd know. It’s VERY real. The Murdoch family went as far as legally requiring NDA’s for anyone that comes in contact with them, so that their real lives stopped showing up on Succession. As an artist, I have access to these rooms. Through vanity projects, city events and philanthropy. I've sat in meetings with high-society Shibons. That's the rub of making money at this time in history. We all need to be plugged in somewhere to survive. That's why it takes so long to change things. I too want to blow up philanthropy and it's toxicity - the place where I have rooted my career. I'm currently wrestling with the ethics of my participation. Questioning how much I am also holding up the status quo but ultimately being reminded that my meager earnings are a hairpin in the larger machine. I am no Roy, Murdoch, Rothschild, Gates, Musk or Bezos. I'm a flea on the window to them. The inequity of our society is perpetuated by such glorification of the wealthy. Which is why I was so easy to dismiss the show at first. I too worried that celebrating the series added to that collective consciousness of billionaire deities. Where nothing changes and we rinse, cycle and repeat. That's the cost of western societies.

Murdoch Family

I just started this great book called Becoming Kin. I am starting to understand why I struggle with imagining anything different. I don't know the histories or an alternative way of life. I only know white power, colonization, slavery and capitalism because those systems wiped out any other way of life. I've only ever existed in a world with the kings and queens of Succession. People who didn't earn their leadership but were born into it and propped up with all the resources that access provides. I've witnessed the men in my childhood build empires and behave just like these characters. Celebrated for their mastery of the system but not held accountable for the expense at others.

I can only hope to be waving at them in the rearview mirror. Choosing carefully who I spend my time with. It's worth noting that the corporate giants who profit from this show are currently holding the writers hostage by not negotiating a fair contract. This great show that stirred me up and got me to write an entire blog post, the people who invented it, who dreamed it up and put words to a page won't see the wealth it creates. What great tragic Shakespearian irony that is. And that is where I leave you. The tug of war at inequity continues.

HBO - give the writers what they want. They earned it.

Currently Watching: Sociological and Economic Documentaries

The following is a great series of documentaries that when watched in order paint a picture of movements, influences and money. They help fill in the picture of we find ourselves today. Civil unrest, systemic racism, capitalism, white supremacy, fascism and poverty are not new concepts. I am reading The History of White People by Nell Irvin Painter and while I am uncomfortable in my re-education I am soaking it in, connecting the dots and understanding my current world more clearly. The following are great companions that are well researched.

Capital in the Twenty First Century

Tracing power and money from the aristocracy to now. A clear and dynamic argument for the roots of capitalism and its influences on our modern world. This doc is devoid of the racial connotations of the movements, which would make it stronger but the undertones are represented. A little less preachy and more comprehensive than Micheal Moore's Capitalism: A Love Story and good use of movie clips and historical footage to help you connect the dots.

I am not your Negro

I wish this documentary existed when I was in school when learning about the civi rights movement. It broke the rosy picture my terrible American education gave me and helped me understand why that was problematic. When viewed after the Capitalism doc, it fills in a few of the gaps around racial equity. "They needed us to pick the cotton and now that they don't need us anymore - they are going to kill us all."

Crack; Cocaine Corruption and Conspiracy

I was a kid when the crack epidemic was at its height but after watching this, I realized how much of my life was influenced by these events as someone who grew up on the South Side of Chicago. This documentary clearly outlines one of the roots of our current policing systems: How and why The War on Drugs furthered systemic racism, racial profiling, private prison labor, poverty in the black community and why cocaine, war profit and power are at the center of it. Striking are the interviews with black mothers, who addicted to drugs were sent to prisons for life, comparing their struggles to the white families dealing with the opioid epidemic today.

Extra Credit: Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing fits in well after viewing this. Sets up the context of the times so the impact of this film hits harder.

The 13th

This is an excellent follow up to the previous two. On one hand we have capitalism and the other how a drug crisis grew our prison population. Put those hands together and you find yourself in The 13th. Modern day slavery machines. My propagandist American History education did not teach this. Uncomfortable to unlearn but important to witness. After viewing this documentary years ago, I signed up to join BLM.

American Factory

Next a documentary that addresses the fall of the middle class. As globalization and automation take over - what is next for the American worker? Culture clashes, work ethics, blue collar identity all collide in American Factory. Where a factory job used to be able to provide for a family of four in the 50s, now pays poverty wages with increasing job loss through automation. See how one factory in America is being reimagined through the eyes of Chinese innovations. What will be do as a wealthy nation when these jobs are replaced by robots?

Adaptability in these precarious times.

One thing that I am grateful for in these wavering times is my ability to adapt. Being an artist taught me that.

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My career is volatile. The ups and downs of financial stability is a relationship I am all too familiar with. There is no clear path for me. I wasn’t born into my industry with the connections or the wealth I would need to launch it. Being able to adapt quickly and try new ways of working is what’s kept me going for most of my career. 

In my world, job benefits don’t exist and for most of my adult life, I pieced together "gig to gig," some semblance of stability. I got stronger and smarter as my skills grew and that helped. In my line of work, I get asked to do a lot for “exposure.” In the beginning of my career, I worked without getting paid for years to “build a portfolio.” I invested what little money I did have in school, programs and gear. I had lots of help from parents, mentors, friends and family. But it took years to build momentum and I lost it all during the recession of 2008.  During which, I vowed to work smarter not harder. That strategy paid off. 

Now, here I am again - with you in this crazy ground shifting time. Reinventing my work life to adapt to this new landscape. A little smarter than the last time and starting off in a better place. But it’s really got me thinking - this fear that everyone is feeling now is something the artist community has always embraced. Thriving is a mindset but not always a financial reality. It’s something I have been working on for a long time.

What are my skills worth? When do I walk away from an opportunity that doesn’t pay but could give me new opportunity? Who do I give my time to? When do I work on things for myself? How do I thrive in a world that expects me to give my skills away? The work that feeds my soul has taken a lifetime to build and yet it’s so fragile it can disappear overnight. 

Fear has pushed me to try new things, take risks, plan smarter, innovate, streamline and advocate for better. I no longer take financial set backs as hits to my self worth. I set more boundaries for my mental health. I invest my time in people who invest back. With each new round of " things out of my control," I emerge into a new space. It doesn’t mean that I enjoy that fear. I fight that instability hard. I hate it all just as much as the next person. But I know it’s not permanent. One step at a time. I trust in myself to build something and to know that there are always options. I may not always like those options but I know they are available to me.  That said, I’d like to build a kinder world out of this. One that respects equality. That makes it easier for everyone to thrive, not just a few. Where hard work for a days work yields results. Living wages for all. 

I am curious to see what new life exists on the other side. I’m scared about what I’ll be going through as the safety nets I built for myself start to deplete. But I trust I can build back out again. I’ve done it before. Ask an artist about their resilience if you are feeling lost in all this. I guarantee they can offer you perspective and guidance. 

Things I've learned from listening to my husband's corporate virtual meetings.

Since CoVid moved everyone to working from home, my husband has become my co-worker. We now share an office that is also our living room. I’ve had the benefit of overhearing his virtual meetings. He works in IT sales for a large corporation that shall not be named.

Listening to his calls has been a bit like studying a new culture in the wild.

I work with mostly creative teams and we speak a different language. It’s been fun to overhear a large fortune 500 company do business. I am learning a lot.

A few things are glaringly clear: 

1. No one knows what they are doing. No one knows how to engage a virtual workforce. Leadership has overworked their teams by setting up multiple hours of trainings, virtual meetings, virtual happy hours and “busy work.” That causes extra hours fitting in real work around the chaotic schedule. 

2. No one knows how to engage new customers. Sales and Marketing strategies are all turned on their head. Teams are scrambling to catch up and are working overtime to adjust. 

3. Agendas are important. Meetings without a clear goal or structure are sucking up valuable work time. 

4. You need a host. Virtual networking events also need structure. The best ones had a host leading questions and people toward connections. 

5. Competing for screen time with new clients is hard. If a strong digital strategy wasn’t in place before, this has put teams into a tail spin. His teams are racing to put together ways to complete with digital attention. 

6. Phone Calls are the new thing. It’s old school but finding that a good old conference call is more refreshing than a virtual chat. I get it right? Being “on,” all the time is exhausting. 

7. Artists and Entertainers have an advantage. My hubby happens to be a talented musician. He’s had more interaction with potential clients through playing music in virtual meetings. People are hungry for humor, light, music and anything that uplifts teams. The best meetings I have overheard are those lead by the artists with creative solutions for interaction and enjoyment. 

8. No one is planning for mental health. In this space, intentional breaks for inspiration are going to be more important than bogging a work force down with training. It’s crazy to overhear meeting after meeting of a workforce that is stressed out. Screen Fatigue is real. I’ve overheard people saying they have returned to analog reading as a break from the stress of reading screens. 

We are all in this together and there is so much learning happening in our virtual spaces. My hope that it changes the American workforce for the better; but so far it seems to be “business as usual.” Where work bleeds into all the spaces of your life and it’s up to us to set boundaries. 

The reality is, we are all in uncharted waters. This is survival.

If we all make it out of this healthy with minimal losses, we have done our work. With many people unemployed, we should count ourselves as lucky to still have meetings to conduct. That shouldn’t be cause for panic. So take a collective deep breath and step back. We’ll figure this out. In the meantime, have some fun and don’t be afraid to play with one another. A laugh is the best medicine in your corporate meetings.  So put on that mullet wig and make your co-workers and potential clients laugh. Like this:

Till hindsight tells me what it is.

I went back and forth on sharing this for the last two weeks. When the virus started shutting down our city - I had this pit in my stomach feeling. I already knew this was going to happen.

You see, May of 2017 I wrote the journal entry I am enclosing below. At the time, it had more to do with processing political feelings around gaslighting and feminine leadership. It was the first thing I thought of when the world started shutting down. My relationship with my intuition is something I hold in personal high regard. Through journaling, I find that connection to self and higher. I don’t write for you. I write for me. But as we navigate this new reality. I am feeling the desire to publish more. Taking the risk of sounding more “woo-woo,” than my normal “watch this on netflix and here are some tips for shooting with your iphone posts,” I am revealing to you more of my inner world and feelings.

Today I give you an entry I titled: Till hindsight tells me what it is. It feels relevant.

Edited to fix my grammar and spelling from my slight dislexia.

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When we look back on this century, I wonder what “we will call it?” 

The enlightened dark age? A time of accelerated change and stark denial that it is happening. We have achieved amazing advances. Yet for all our so called “progress,” we still haven’t solved life’s most basic issues. A healthy planet, healthy people and a population where everyone thrives; not just a few. 

At every age, we've believed the world was doomed and ending. Gods and goddesses returned to bring us to our "end of days.” To march us off to the next place.  But here we are.  Ticking along our mistakes. We behave as if things will last forever yet we act as though it's all going to end tomorrow so fuck it. “YOLO.”  

Maybe what we think as the “end times,” really is. An end of a way of thinking or doing. The apocalypse of a school of thought.  A cataclysm of consciousness. A self-inflicted holocaust.  We, the people, can not see beyond our moment. We think a colony on mars will be the answer when we have destroyed the place we call home. A planet so bleak it can't sustain life without technology.

Oh, the irony. 

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When I close my eyes and listen to my heart, it says to plant a tree and do better. 

Stop making plastic, renewable energy, find a better solution for garbage. Like, should we truck all that shit to the lava? Sacrifice our garage sins at the altar of the earth. Destruction and birth.  My heart says, clean up the oceans and get a handle on our disrespectful animal farming.  Expect more of people and end apathy.  Freeze spending on war and give it back to the people to rebuild and get educated. End poverty and segregation. Acknowledge privilege, share and stop blaming. 

Invest in sciences and healthcare advantages. Make health a priority above all. Protect us from unseen biological time bombs, the next plague that will wipe us out, and expose the fragility of all we call power. It’s coming.

Make mental health a priority. Teach feelings and expression. Stop jailing our addicts and get them help.  Take care of families. Acknowledge the end of the Industrial Age and train people for the new jobs they will need. 

Know better, do better. 

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Listen to the natives before us, who have suffered greatly at our hands. while we burn their prayer and run oil through their water. They know the cost. The physical and spiritual cost of greed. 

Create systems that support healthy and happy lives. Government that spends ethically. 

I did an interview recently with a very inspiring man who insisted that this kind of idealism was not only possible but that it is within our grasp.  The pessimist in me, the one that masquerades as a realist, struggles to see that truth but my heart knows it’s possible. There is a smarter way. One where we don’t have to work harder but rather work smarter. Equality is the answer.

Where science and religion have put down their pitchforks against one another and join forces at the awe-striking beauty that is our universe and go skipping off hand in hand with physics and chemistry. Accepting that we can't know everything and thus need to be humble. But we do know some things and that is not to be ignored.  I feel the end of the old religions that force righteousness at the bequest of destroying the theology of others.

The next Great War is of words. It has already begun. Spinning doubt and weaving it into our day to day lives. Gaslighting your intuition with commodity. Calling the feminine “witch.” Selling productivity myths as happiness.

Attacking Human -“being.”

Dividing us into colors like a box of crayons. I say, resist drawing with one fucking color! We are all different. Let us acknowledge that. Fuck the sameness that diminishes our cultures. Abolish the fear of otherness, learn and respect. We can not be put into little boxes of gender, sexual preference or race. My body is not your body and your mind is not my mind. The human experience is not to seek sameness but to learn and grow from the natural tapestry before us.

In the end, this age is the end of something. Our hindsight will tell us what we were the age of and therefore can not predict it’s future. And yet, I can’t help but feeling a deep impending doom. It gurgles in my gut and tells me to be prepared. 

This intuition, this fear - I want to ignore it and I try but the drum beats louder as the days go on. Something is coming. The end of something. It feels big. It feels ground shifting. Like the extinction of an entire school of thought. I’ve spent a year decoding this strange message in my journals and untangling it’s web. It doesn’t feel personal. It’s not a message for me personally. It feels universal.

And that scares me.

So I put it here for now. This page. Till hindsight tells me what it is. 

Why you shouldn't buy your kid an expensive camera.

The most common conversation I have on social media is people asking me my advice on purchasing a camera. Usually for a child that is showing interests in the arts. 

It usually goes something like this: 

Hey Melissa, My kid is interested in photography or filmmaking and I want to buy a camera for them. I am looking at, insert the top of the line camera, and I want to know if it’s worth the money. What should I get?

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SIDE NOTE

Have you ever seen Back to the Future? You know that character Biff? He wrote a wonderful song called “Questions,” that I want to adapt for myself, but insert camera tech lingo and camera advice into.

Since most people know him as Biff from the movie, he put together a song of the same questions he gets over and over.

I’ll just leave that here. It’s funny. 

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CAMERAS ARE BEAUTIFUL TOOLS.

This is my long winded and likely more than you bargained for but it’s my honest opinion:

I will be the first to admit that I LOVE playing with expensive cameras. I ALWAYS have camera envy because the technology is changing so fast. Truth: My current kit, costs as much as a years salary and it took me 8 years to save for. It’s already outdated and I’m working on saving for that next level up. Gear envy in my industry is a never ending cycle and keeping my prices competitive enough to keep up is a real challenge. But I stand by my advice below. A camera does not make the artist as much as a paint brush does not make a painter.

Creativity is fostered, its earned. With experimentation, budget limits and repetition. If your young ones are showing interest in the arts, the best thing you can do is fan the flame with opportunity to learn. To “make a living,” as a filmmaker or photographer your kid is going to need a whole lot more than an expensive camera. They are going to need the skills to both create and sell their art. They are going to need a network of people. They are going to need grit. LOTS of it. 

Working in the arts is a hustle. School isn’t going to teach that. Not even college. I am still learning how to make money selling my skills to clients. It’s taken me years to build a career that feeds me. That journey took people. That journey didn’t start with an expensive camera. It started with my dad’s left-overs. My first camera, was an old 8mm video camera that my dad stopped using. My first photography camera was a hand me down. They weren’t top of the line. They were sitting in a box, collecting dust. I picked them up and started playing with them. Because they were old, I could experiment without fear of ruining them. When they broke, I took them apart to fix them. I learned how they worked. My first edit bay was made up of old VHS players. It wasn’t a top of the line computer, even though they were available at the time. My first films were lit by lights I bought at Home Depot for 10 bucks. I eventually upgraded to real gear, that all came later but only after I proved I was serious.

It’s not about the camera. Its about intent.

If your kid has the intent to learn, they will learn on whatever they have available to them. It won’t matter how much you spend. Let them earn newer technology by creating work. I upgraded as the years went by and will admit, I had help to get my first “real,” camera. As an adult, that made a huge difference in my ability to get a job. But when I was learning, it didn’t matter what camera I had. I wanted to make work, so I figured it out.

I made films with my cousins, I took all kinds of pictures, I borrowed all my families VHS decks to create an edit space for myself and spent hours making music montages.

My parents did the best thing they could have for me, they created the space for me to create and fostered that creativity. It lead to me forging a career that I am really proud of.

That all started with a hand-me-down used camera.

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Here is my advice: 

1. Create with what you have first. Experiment. Inspire your youth to use the tools they have in front of them to create. Teach them that it’s about the person behind the camera and their vision, not the camera itself. Go to thrift store and pick up an old camera. Ask people for a hand-me-down. Take it apart, see how it works. Make a pin hole camera out of a cardboard box.

2. My cell phone camera is my favorite camera. Seriously. It’s compact, fits in my pocket, shoots great quality and forces me to see the world and interact with it differently. I still use it to shoot for clients. I did just last week.

3. People and network is what builds a career. Instead of buying the gear, find them a mentor. Pay for a 24 hour film festival and get them on a crew. All of us start from the bottom, the sooner your kid can start that journey the better. I still use mentors to move myself forward. Make sure they can motivate them, it’s important. Mentors who inspire growth will help kids to soar in the arts.

4. Inspire with vision. Budget limitations force creativity. Use that. Steven Sotebrg just shot an ENTIRE Netflix film on his iPhone. The iMovie app costs $4. They can shoot and edit a short film all on one device. What if, the tool they needed was already in their hands?

5. Teach them how to accept critique and develop ideas with a growth mindset. The first films they make will be crap. Teach them to suck. Teach them to suck and push through it. Set out to make the crappiest film ever. Have a sense of humor about how bad it is and then use that to inspire them to refine their skills. If failure is fun and seen as experimentation it fosters growth.

6. Set a goal for entering a contest. Youth festivals and art shows are amazing resources. That resource goes away after the age of 21. Take advantage of every program and contest out there for youth in the arts. As an adult it becomes harder to play in this space without funding. Use the free programs while you can. Find programs that can offer access to gear and computers.

7. Inspire with diversity. Take your kid to museums with art by minorities. Take them to a local art show, to see old movies in the park, get them outside their routines. Help keep their eyes open to different points of view. With free days at museums and art festivals, it doesn’t cost much.

8. Teach them how to make money selling their work right away. Forget Girl Scout cookies - give them a budget to print work and sell a show. Market on instagram. Take a portfolio into a gallery and ask for feedback. Help them design a package for a local business and sell it. Figure out how to hang work in a coffee house. Host a fundraiser for a project. Whatever it takes. Do it together. This was the skill I needed most in the working world. 

9. Help them find their voice and hold that value. What do they want to bring to the world? What stories do they want to tell? What is unique about them and what they create? Help put them in situations where they have to tell those stories in front of audiences. It’s vulnerable to talk about my work but I have to push through that to move forward. That grit keeps me fueled with opportunity among rejection.

10. Make work. Lots of it. Repetition and variety over quality is the only way to get stronger and develop an eye.

11. Lastly, encourage the shit out of them. Especially when its hard. I’ve had so many set backs in my career but I still have a career because I stuck with it. I kept working, no matter what. It’s still hard. But I have LOTS of cheerleaders. From friends, family, old teachers, new mentors and now even clients. I still need encouragement. Making work is hard, making money creating work is hard. Encouragement goes a long way to creating resilient minds. They are going to need that muscle to work through rejection and maintain a healthy self worth.  

Even if after all that, if they decide not to go into the arts, they will have learned valuable skills for adult life and it won’t be about the camera. It will be about their self worth, problem solving and grit. An expensive camera, isn’t going to teach that. Do the above and you’ll ensure that by the time they get their hands on those flashy tools, they will know how to wield them toward their goals.

There you have it. My long winded advice for what seems to be a simple question. I wasn’t able to buy my own gear till I was 32 years old. It took me that long to work and save up. I made hundreds of films for clients without one, before that. Through internships, friends, grants, programs, rentals and mentors I was able to work and create work. It’s about intent to create.

Also, here is a cute photo of me as a kid playing “kitchen.”

Russian Doll and The Johari Window, a transcendent review.

Between the flu hitting my household and the cold weather, I got a chance to watch a few Netflix shows. Which, these days with my schedule felt like a luxury. LOVED Netflix’s Russian Doll so much, I had to write about it. 

I think you should walk in cold, like don’t even watch the trailer below. Just start. The less you know the better. This blog clearly marks those spoilers. Go, watch and then come back to read. Also, the soundtrack is fire. You should listen to it while reading this blog. There is much debate about the ending and what it means. This is my take on the point of the series. 

NON SPOILER REVIEW 

First and foremost, this is a female produced, written and directed show. I have a massive crush on the line up. Leslye Headland, Jamie Babbit, Amy Poehler and Natasha Lyonne. I swoon. Female lead production houses make me jump up and down with joy. It’s about damn time. The stories they are producing are the kind of stories I have been waiting for. Female characters who are complex and defy the tropes of the gender on screen. Russian Doll has much to love.  The premise is simple. A woman stuck in a time-loop searching for a way out. It’s a complex version of Groundhog Day and Happy Death Day. That’s really all you need to know. 

I profess my undying adoration for Natasha Lyonne’s performances. She is one of the few female actresses that I have seen that can tow the line between masculine and feminine on screen. She can make you laugh and cry all in the same breath. Cynical, sharp, sarcastic and vulnerable. She’s the kind of woman I would want on my team. Dishing out hard earned truths with humor. When all was said and done, I can’t imagine anyone else playing the role as brilliantly and she rightfully deserves the moment she is having. 

If you love Chicago Fire, you’ll be happy to see Charlie Barnett in a new role. He is also wonderful. A few OITNB cameos here too. Best left unspoiled. 

So let’s dive right in. Philosophical and psychological references are woven into the writing leading the plot like a heartbeat. This undercurrent makes the writing a treat to indulge. You’ll be smacking your lips wanting more. It’s smart enough for the people who like that sort of thing and if it isn’t your bag, you will still love the story. Brush up on your Johari’s window and you’ll enjoy the plot even more.  

Russian Doll becomes a modern day Devine Comedy, repetition and time manipulation explore human nature. This series nails those elements in ways that Bandersnatch didn’t. There is substance over device. Each cycle, each repetition, taking you deeper into it’s characters. The short length of the episodes make this an easy watch. It’s adult content, so if you have little ones watch after they are in bed. I highly recommend. 

SPOILERS AHEAD 

Gotta get up, gotta get out. Here be spoilers ahead. Proceed at your own risk. 

Russian Doll starts by throwing you into a birthday party for Nadia. She’s wild, sharp and having a hard time with her birthday. It’s messy, feminine and sassy. Female characters are allowed to be sexual without being overly sexualized. The space, the look, the costume design, I love it. It reminds me of the wild bohemian parties I attended in my 20s. We are thrown head first into the plot and given our first clue with the line: “Alright, Let’s make some choices.” Wonderful clues like this make it a writers delight. 

Love the duality here.

Our first death comes as a shock and begins the cycles. We meet Alan, a control freak reliving a break-up with his childhood sweetheart. He is also experiencing the same death loop. This is where the plot takes off. Alan and Nadia debate the morality of their situation, in some of the best moments of philosophical banter between two characters. The actors pull of the complexity of these age old questions with ease. As things heat up and the world they are living in starts to decay and disappear Nadia delivers the theme of the series, Johari’s Window. She explains the concept to Alan.

I first learned about Johari’s window in Psychology 101. In class, we used a set of adjectives that describe our personalities. We then select the ones that we feel represented our public and private selves. Our peers do the same. The results are arranged into a grid that resembles a window. Hence the name. 

The four areas represent a view of ourselves. 

• Open: The words that both myself and others choose. 

• Hidden: the words I did selected by my peers didn’t.  

• Blind: The words my peers selected and I didn’t. 

• Unknown: The rest of the words. They either do not apply or represent there collective ignorance of these traits by both subject and peer. 

You might have seen a version of this pop up in self help seminars, corporate retreats or the like. I’ve experienced versions of this myself in all the above. It’s a useful tool of reflection and has helped me uncover much about myself. I also LOVE using it in writing to develop characters to understand motivations and behaviors in writing. 

We all have blind spots. Our perceptions and projections of reality are deeply woven into our own Johari’s windows. Much like our characters Nadia and Alan. One can not see one’s own blind spots without others. This is where the symbiotic relationship between our two characters begin to dance. The goal of using Johari’s window is to understand who your true self is. If one can free oneself from the trappings of a false self, one can be seen more accurately by others and begin the process of self acceptance, peace and awareness. These concepts arose out of transcendentalism. Emerson, Thoreau, those guys. For this series, the concepts of true self versus false self are worth looking at through our characters, Nadia and Alan. 

Whoah, did I go too deep for ya? Stay with me. 

True self vs False self.

Interpersonal conflict is the tug of war between true and false self. It goes like this: Your false self is the self you’ve built out of a set of mistaken beliefs, family structures and societal influences. It’s the self you “think,” you need to be in the world. For most of us, breaking this “false self,” requires hard work, reflection and deep community with others. The beauty of Johari’s Window is ever-changing as we grow.

The concept was introduced in the 1960s by Donald Winnicott in a post transcendentalism exploration. His version is similar to the debate of nature versus nurture. He claims that your false self is deeply rooted in infancy by your parents or care givers. Your parents expectations and wishes for you become the fabric of that false self. It isn’t until you are old enough to examine those expectations and wishes that you can begin to test those old theories about yourself and form your own personality. For most of us testing these boundaries happens many times over the course of childhood development and bleeds into adulthood. If one is self aware enough to continue the journey it can become a life long reflection. This idea was picked up by Carl Jung, Jean-Bertrand Pontalis, ect ect. All interesting reads if you want to go deeper into this concept. Rather than give you a phycology lesson, let’s continue. Deep Breath, we got this. 

This is where Johari’s window comes into play in Russian Doll. Nadia and Alan are forced into a cosmic time loop and the only way out, is to work through a version of Johari’s window. We see it clearly in the final episode with this moment:

A literal Johari’s window. 4 timelines. How fucking brilliant is that? Each timeline is an attempt at self acceptance. Timeline one and two: The characters die. Timeline three and four: They save each other. The characters move from their unknown selves to accepted selves using friendship in the process.

Through repetition, they are able to look at the perceptions they have about themselves versus the truth. They can examine their pasts and look at what is true or untrue. I love the idea of friendship as a tool for transcendence. The best demonstration of this in action is with the orange.

Nadia asks: “What do time and morality have in common? Relativity. They are both relative to your experience. Our universe has three spacial dimensions. It is hard for us to depict a four dimensional world. But you know, computers do it all the time. Lucky for you, I have the capacity to think like a computer.”

She holds out the rotten orange, we’ve seen this before. The fruit in the series has been slowly decaying over time. This orange, looks moldly.

“In a two dimensional world, its a circle. In a three dimensional world its a sphere. In a four dimensional world.” 

She splits the rotten orange down the middle. Alan exclaims “It’s still ripe!” 

The ripe orange represents the unknown quadrant of Johari’s window. Unless we cut the orange open, there was no way to know it was ripe. If we judged it by the rind, we would assume it was rotten. To see that it is ripe, requires a person to slice it in half. Pretty cool huh? 

Nadia continues explaining the theory of relativity. I wont’t go down that rabbit hole today, but love the reference. I think that theory and projection psychology go hand in hand.

Such beautiful writing. In the end, you’ll be left with more questions than answers. Plenty of room for your own analysis. Do Nadia and Alan live? Do they get to start over? What does that last shot mean? What is the point?

I think to answer those questions, we need to look back at one key line of dialogue from the beginning.

“Let’s make some choices.”

That line stands out for me. I think that’s the point. What if you could know your death? What if that brought your life meaning? What if you could make choices without death as a consequence? What might you learn about yourself in the process?

I loved the final parade sequence. Reminded me of the day of the dead. I think that’s a clue. One last stop in purgatory before they transcend. There is no ending because in real life there are no answers about where we go when we die. It’s a ghost story and a damn good one.

Parting Thoughts

1. The haircut sequence made me laugh. This writer is aware of the female haircut transformation trope. I see you … I see what you did there and the LOVE IT.

2. Taboo behaviors are treated with kindness. Our main characters have sex, do drugs, commit suicide. All things society historically deemed as immoral or bad. Our writers say, “Hey! No good or bad. It’s all relative.” A literal breath of fresh air.

3. Mental health issues treated with kindness too. That’s hard to do.

4. No romance between our lead male and female characters. Thank god. I am so over romance as a character development tool for characters. They treat the hook up as a normal thing. Good.

5. I am 36. Same age as Nadia. Girl, I feel you.

6. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, make more stuff. Don’t do a season two with these characters but write me more beautiful, complex and funny things that break old tropes and forge new ground.

7. Mirrors, reflections, duality - all in abundance and used well.
   

   Leave a comment below and let me know what you thought of my analysis. I know people are reading from my analytics … but it’s a lonely comment section. Be a pal and drop even a high five below eh? 

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What to watch during the polar vortex. *UPDATED*

It’s going to be -54 degrees in Chicago this week. Everything is shut down, even in a rate twist, Chicago Public Schools. If you don’t live here, that’s a local joke. CPS rarely closes. This means most of us, hopefully, will be inside looking for something to binge. Here are a handful of my favorites for streaming that you may have missed. I’m skipping the obvious choices and giving you some of my personal favs. This list leans toward the genres of : thriller, science fiction, action adventure and documentary scale. Genres that you won’t find too much on Oscar or Golden Globe lists but should be. In any respect, enjoy and stay warm!

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UPDATED SUGGESTIONS 1.30.19

ENCOUNTERS AT THE END OF THE WORLD; NETFLIX

What is it like living in Antartica? Meet the people who live there. This doc explores human nature in places where you spend most of your time in darkness. Herzog adds his poetic commentary and thoughtful interviews in conjunction with gorgeous footage. It’ll make you appreciate winter in ways you haven’t thought about yet.

THE SUMMIT

A nail biter from beginning to end. The best reenactments I have seen on film for a story like this. It’s a harrowing tale that will have your heart pounding. By far my favorite of the mountaineering gone wrong documentaries.

THE THING: Rent it

Classic horror, also takes place in Antartica. I miss these old monster movies. I love the props and old school movie make-up. Created before everything was computer generated. This icy thriller is a great cold weather view.

FORTITUDE; AMAZON PRIME

This takes the best things about The Thing and puts it into modern times. Shot in Iceland … my hubby and I actually went to the town that this was shot in. The scenery is sure to go with our frigid weather but the mystery will have you guessing till the end. Wonderful performances. Highly recommend this one.

SNOWPIERCER; ITUNES on sale this week

This one is really good. I love me some Tilda, she is fantastic as a bad guy. It’s an action movie on a train that uses every action movie on a train trope but it does so in surprising ways. We ended up buying it after watching it on amazon last year. They took it off amazon, so you’ll have to rent it but it’s a great cold weather watch.

MOON; NETFLIX

If you feel like you’ve got cabin fever … this movie is for you. Imagine being on the moon, isolated and alone. The desolate and cold atmosphere and stellar perforce of Sam Rockwell makes this a must watch. It’s SOOO GOOD.

LIFE BELOW ZERO ; NETFLIX

Want to see what it takes to live in the Alaskan wild? These guys are doing it off the grid. They hunt and grow their own food, gather wood for fuel and heat, they trade with each other. It’s crazy to see what it takes to live off the grid in winter. Makes me appreciate my modern amenities.

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MANIAC ; NETFLIX 

This show seemed to go under the radar. I have no clue why. It’s super fun, cerebral and weird. I would call it a strange psychological thriller set inside a highly designed universe that is a mash up of the 70s, 80s and 90s nostalgia. Imagine the set from Aliens, the technology from war-games and the strangeness of an ayahuasca trip mashed up with a few noir genres that is kinda like Vanilla Sky meets 12 Monkeys.

If you are struggling to follow, that’s because Maniac is hard to put in a box. If you can make it through the flashiness, underneath is a really beautiful and painful truth about human nature. That there is no easy fix for the darkness of life. We all need help, community and love to pull through. Perhaps that sounds a little hokey, but I promise this show delivers and may require multiple viewings. 

HEREDITARY ; AMAZON PRIME 

So I wrote a super long blog on this movie after seeing it in the theaters. It is by far the best horror film created in the past 15 years. It doesn’t have jump scares or flashy special effects. It’s a trauma based horror film. One that should have gotten an Oscar nomination for it’s lead actress. I LOVED this film for it’s brave and brazen portrayal of female vulnerability and power while exploring extreme grief. But be warned. You may need therapy after. You can read my blog about it here. 

EIGHTH GRADE ; AMAZON PRIME 

Why this one wasn’t nominated for an Oscar, I don’t know. I certainly liked it better than Lady Bird. It’s awkward, weird and adorable. Yes, it captures a midwest white suburban girl experience of 8th grade that we see on screen all the time- but it does so extremely well. While culturally, it doesn’t push any boundaries, it was the first film I’ve seen that tackles awkwardness without trying to overly transform the leading lady into a modern beauty. My favorite part, was that it painted young girls the way I knew myself to be: average, awkward, weird and smart. It brought back all the squirmy feelings I had growing up. I loved the script. I always feel like this girl when I put something out on the internet with my blogs or social media. Totally relatable.

THE BALAD OF BUSTER SCRUGGS; NETFLIX 

This anthology is really really good. The stories are solid and the writing is on point. My only wish was that they diversify the cast a bit more. I think this would have been even better if they branched out and added some people of color. Having been to New Mexico recently, I also dig the scenery. It’s beautifully shot.

DARK TOURIST; NETFLIX 

Travel to the weird places, do the weird things. That’s the premise of this one. I wish the host was more Bordain like, in that I sometimes think he can be a little disrespectful in the way that white tourists can be annoying BUT he does some weird things that I wanted to see. Like a trip to Fukushima or a tour that attempts to give you an experience of crossing a border illegally. Easy watch and can break up any of the above if they are too serious. 

KEN BURNS , THE WEST 

Yes, he can put you to sleep. But if you want a really great history lesson this one is amazing, comprehensive and more woke than your typical history doc. I learned so much about America’s past. WAY more that I was ever taught. It really shifted my view of the typical white “western,” story. Which is why I think Buster Scruggs missed out on a crucial casting step. I appreciated how the interviews with Native Americans were handled, they really lead the story and I think thats important. It’s long. So it could take you a few days to finish this one. I’ve been watching it a little bit here and there for a few months. 

FYRE OR FYRE FRAUD

Join the long list of people throwing their hat into this ring. It was a crazy party that never happened. It’s stupidity and criminality that was made for reality TV. Also wrote a blog about these. Where I offer a more critical look at the two docs. You choose. Netflix or Hulu. 

BANDERSNATCH, BLACK MIRROR 

Speaking of choice. Have you Bandersnatched yet? You may want to watch season 3-4 of Black Mirror too but Bandersnatch is clever. You’ll enjoy your choices and seeing them play out. I love how they involve you in the story with the writing and can’t imagine plotting out a story like this. It reminds me of video games but with more cinematic cut scenes. You’ll need a device that allows you to make the choices. Apple TV won’t work but several others do. My favorite gem happens in the therapists office.

THE STAIRCASE; NETFLIX 

If you like true crime, this one is at the top of my list. Start one episode, you’ll watch them all. This case is full of so many twists and turns but what I really loved about it was watching a family deal with grace under horrible circumstances. I am still on the fence on where I stand as an audience juror. The filmmakers do a nice job of keeping you guessing. Its a great alternative to Making a Murderer. 

MINDHUNTER; NETFLIX 

See how the FBI started the behavior profiling division of serial killers and coined the term. It’s macabre true crime drama at it’s best. The actors were given the real tapes from the serial killers to use to develop their characters and the performances are spine chilling. Season 2 will include a few infamous men and the Ted Bundy series is sure to “T," that up nicely. The last episode had me on the edge of my seat. It’s the real life Silence Of The Lambs that will make you question why you like it so much. I was surprised that I didn’t hear more about this show. It was like a good book. Couldn’t put it down. 

TRIGGER WARNING ; NETFLIX

Killer Mike from Run the Jewels is hilarious. Episodes 1-4 are amazing. You’ll laugh and question things in new ways. Really like this approach to cultural problem solving. The humor only points out the seriousness of the issues he presents, which is what makes this pretty progressive. My favorite episode is the Crips and Bloods soda. I’ve always said that gangs have marketable skills, they just need help learning legal forms of business. Killer Mike tackles that in the best way and the focus group is important to see. I wasn’t crazy about the last episode but the first 4 is great TV. 

CHILDREN OF MEN; NETFLIX  

This is one of my favorite dystopian films. Made before dystopian was hip in that young adult novel way. It was feminist long before The Handmaids Tale. If you don’t remember much about it, I highly recommend a repeat viewing. With our current climate, this one suddenly feels fresh again. Directed by the same man who directed Roma. I actually think this is his best film.

Worth renting: MAD MAX FURY ROAD

Speaking of dystopian. You guys, this movie got added to my favorite films of all time the second I saw it in theaters. Don’t let the trailer turn you off, it’s badly cut. I could have done better. A good chase sequence is hard to film, so I respect the craftsmanship. Fury Road was the first action film I’ve seen with a male lead that stepped aside for the females. Furiosa became my spirit animal. It’s an allegorical high octane dystopian rock opera on crack. It’s about feminism, war, capitalism, climate change and toxic masculinity without saying any of those words. I loved how the writers mashed up language and developed a theology created by a dictator that borrows from history, pop culture and rock and roll. The stunts were all filmed live in the desert and they will have you scratching you heads on how they did it. It takes the best of the old Mad Max films and improves the purpose. I think .. that might be my next blog. It’s so fun to pick apart all the symbolism. 

That’s it. What would you add to the list?

A Tale of Two FYRE Documentaries.

Which unfinished camp do you fall into? Netflix or Hulu? Here is a quick review of both and my personal preference. 

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NETFLIX : FYRE 

First thing to note about this documentary, it’s created by the marketing company behind the festival, F$@!Jerry. That’s important to know as an audience member so you can understand the bias of the film. Documentaries are inherently biased. This is hotly debated among creators. I think understanding the creators is almost as important as the documentary itself. So what does that mean for FYRE? 

An exclusive behind the scenes look at the infamous unraveling of the Fyre music festival. Launching globally on Netflix on January 18, 2019. Created by Billy McFarland and rapper Ja Rule, Fyre Festival was promoted as a luxury music festival on a private island in the Bahamas featuring bikini-clad supermodels, A-List musical performances and posh amenities.

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I think the most interesting thing about this documentary is the victimized stance of anyone involved in the creation of the festival. Everyone seems to point fingers at Billy. Especially the marketing company. They even take the stance that by not paying Billy for an interview, they are not contributing to the madness any further. Yet, that are ok with profiting off the story. Yeah, ok guys.

It just falls flat.

While this documentary is shot really well. It’s flashy, it’s funny and feels outrageous because the story is outrageous. It takes no stance on the subject or the depth of it’s characters. The narrative is: “Look at this train wreck story, isn’t it crazy?”

To me, it feels like one long marketing video for F@!$Jerry. They position themselves as the geniuses who made FYRE huge and then watched it burn to the ground without taking any responsibility for it’s creation. I imagine a big corporate client watching this and going “Hey, we should hire them!” They don’t dive into any real discussion about the responsibilities of marketers in our digital time. That is a huge, deep and interesting topic. One that influences elections, money and power in ways that we are only really starting to understand.

I did love hearing the story of the initial promotional video. I’ve been there. Unreasonable expectations by a client to create the MOST EPIC VIDEO OF ALL TIME, while going around every filmmaking process that ensures great results. But we glossed over a major dynamic on this shoot. The use of the girls. The toast JaRule gives says it all “Here’s to living’ like movie stars, partying like rockstars and F$!@ing like porn stars.”

No one talked about the ethics of what they were doing while filming the promo. They show interactions between Billy, JaRule and the models and it made me want to cringe. Men with power, filming women on a deserted island with no structure. They came up with ideas that would be “cool,” and ask the models to participate in the fantasy. It’s gross. A rich boys club gone wild. I kept waiting for some of the interviews to point out the ethics of it all. Not just the creation of the marketing, I wondered where the responsibility of everyone involved. Seriously, what was with the “take one for the team,” story. Borderline harassment. If my boss ever told me to give a blow job for the good of the team, I’d report him. Tone deaf to include that and gloss over it like it was a locker room story. Ick.

The “characters," keep moving the project forward, claiming to be on an almost unstoppable train. I wondered, why? No one really answers that question. 

As a director, I wonder why we don’t go here. It’s the most interesting exploration of human behavior. Why did people continue to play along when there were clear red flags in every direction? The filmmakers never ask this. The best interviews were from the workers on the islands. That community had the most substance simply because they had the most to loose out of this situation.

At the end of the day, F$!@Jerry made a documentary on Netflix that got us all to watch, point our fingers and go “man how messed up is that!” But the real underbelly of the story isn’t explored. This documentary barley touches on consequences of the fraud of the festival or what happened to the islanders afterward. It ends almost abruptly. The most interesting footage at the end is the business meeting where Billy and JaRule try to convince employees to stick with them. They attempt to share the story about VIP NYC but I didn’t fully understand it till I saw the Hulu documentary. Then, like the festival, the documentary ends. With a whimper and a cheese sandwich. 

The documentary attempts to poke fun at the fact that the world loved seeing the festival fail and that’s the most interesting stance it takes. It lacks a meta voice. An outside perspective to place the story within social and cultural context. I wanted more zeitgeist. Fyre is a documentary created by a marketing company and it feels like just that. 

The best thing to come out of this one is what happened after it’s release. The owner of the catering company that lost tons of money on the island, Maryann Rolle, raises over 100K on go fund me as a result of her tearful interview and Jerry Media donated over 30K of that.

So good for you guys.

The real victims of this whole story are the islanders and none of the documentaries attempt to tell their story with the depth that it deserves and cost of that deception. This tearful interview is all you will get between both docs. I think we could do better.

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HULU: FYRE FRAUD 

FYRE FRAUD is a true-crime comedy exploring a failed music festival turned internet meme at the nexus of social media influence, late-stage capitalism, and morality in the post-truth era. The Fyre Festival was the defining scam of the millennial generation, at the nexus of social media influence, late-stage capitalism, and morality in the post-truth era.

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Right out of the gate, the title and description should clue you in. The tone is different than the Netflix documentary. A true-crime comedy. They secretly drop their documentary the night before Netflix. Sneaky, sneaky guys.

Worth noting, Hulu’s documentary paid for an interview with Billy. So this story has Billy as a main character in it’s structure. Hotly debated is paying for that interview. People are paid for interviews all the time. We pay criminals for their stories all the time. So personally, I don’t care that they paid him. It does add a nice element to the story. 

This documentary takes a stronger stance on that meta voice that I felt was missing from the Netflix version. I really liked how they dove into Billy as a character. They hit the fraud harder. They place the instagram campaign in social context in ways that helps me think about the bigger picture. It’s not a home run. Some of the themes I mentioned above don’t get a deep dive, but this documentary tries a little more to have a meta voice and structure.

Fyre Fraud takes more of a stance on story.

Fyre Fraud takes the position that the festival and Billy were fraudulent from the beginning. It seeks to tear down the “We tried something so big, we got in over our heads and failed,” narrative that the lawyers for Billy have spun. It paints Billy as a con artist from the get go. It’s not as flashy as the Netflix version. It’s not as funny. But it feels more like a documentary to me. There is more research. More outside perspective interviews and a larger point that they are trying to prove.

Billy’s interview tips the scales for me. I am really interested in how the Billy’s of the world are created and perpetuated by society. I loved the millennial lens. The connection to escapism and fantasy selling. Discussion of wealth and power. But we still don’t talk to the islanders enough. I don’t think the consequences of the story are as clear as they could be. 

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The closer we get to people arriving on the island, the more the footage is the same. It’s almost like both documentaries were working with the same batch of collected footage with a few new surprises. Cutting back and forth to Billy, who looks like he is shrinking in his seat, is more compelling than the Netflix version. From here, we get a closer look at the lawsuits and issues that arise after the attempted festival. 

The new information we get here is what Billy did in the hours and months after the festival, his conviction and, the depth of his delusions. They pose the question about his six year prison sentence, was it enough?

Finally some one says what I’ve been thinking: “Don’t just focus on Billy. There are lots of people who helped Billy create fraud so they could make money too.”

Was that enough to satisfy my point? Not really. I would have loved to see the creators ask people about their responsibility in a deep and critical way. A credit sequence reveals that the workers on the island were never paid, Grant was fined, JaRule distances himself from the backlash and they point out that F@1$Jerry made the Netflix documentary and they pose the question about marketers responsibility. I didn’t like that we waited till the end to do so, but I’ll take it.

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The verdict: I think FYRE FRAUD attempts to tell a fuller story and at least booked you into that villa on the island. So it gets my vote as the better doc. 

I think that the FYRE Festival is a great zeitgeist of our time. A reflection of the power and influence that marketing can have to create big things while at the same time exploiting others for financial gain. We LOVED seeing rich white kids fail. The meme’s were hilarious. I think everyone likes a good train wreck story. I also wonder why.

The perception of white collar fraud in our country is flawed to say the least. I think most people see these documentaries and don’t fully understand the depth of the crime. We poke fun and make a joke without understanding the real consequences beyond sunburn and delayed flights. We create the perfect martyr in our con artist Billy persona and watch him fail with delight. We gloss over the racial and social justice topics. It doesn’t bother anyone that they essentially exploited a poverty stricken island for the festival and then didn’t pay them? What happened to the islanders? Why do we tell Billy’s story and not theirs? Where is the responsibility of everyone involved? How do we prevent the Billy’s of the world from creating more situations like this? If it were me, I would have told the story from the perspective of the islanders first. That would have been compelling.

Honestly, wasn’t crazy about either of them. It’s a great story but both lack depth. Ironically, like the almost-festival that they document, they disappoint.

Good documentaries entertain us, Compelling documentaries ask great questions and challenge our perceptions.

Neither of these are compelling by those standards. They do entertain though. I am curious, what did you think?