I went back and forth on sharing this for the last two weeks. When the virus started shutting down our city - I had this pit in my stomach feeling. I already knew this was going to happen.
You see, May of 2017 I wrote the journal entry I am enclosing below. At the time, it had more to do with processing political feelings around gaslighting and feminine leadership. It was the first thing I thought of when the world started shutting down. My relationship with my intuition is something I hold in personal high regard. Through journaling, I find that connection to self and higher. I don’t write for you. I write for me. But as we navigate this new reality. I am feeling the desire to publish more. Taking the risk of sounding more “woo-woo,” than my normal “watch this on netflix and here are some tips for shooting with your iphone posts,” I am revealing to you more of my inner world and feelings.
Today I give you an entry I titled: Till hindsight tells me what it is. It feels relevant.
Edited to fix my grammar and spelling from my slight dislexia.
When we look back on this century, I wonder what “we will call it?”
The enlightened dark age? A time of accelerated change and stark denial that it is happening. We have achieved amazing advances. Yet for all our so called “progress,” we still haven’t solved life’s most basic issues. A healthy planet, healthy people and a population where everyone thrives; not just a few.
At every age, we've believed the world was doomed and ending. Gods and goddesses returned to bring us to our "end of days.” To march us off to the next place. But here we are. Ticking along our mistakes. We behave as if things will last forever yet we act as though it's all going to end tomorrow so fuck it. “YOLO.”
Maybe what we think as the “end times,” really is. An end of a way of thinking or doing. The apocalypse of a school of thought. A cataclysm of consciousness. A self-inflicted holocaust. We, the people, can not see beyond our moment. We think a colony on mars will be the answer when we have destroyed the place we call home. A planet so bleak it can't sustain life without technology.
Oh, the irony.
When I close my eyes and listen to my heart, it says to plant a tree and do better.
Stop making plastic, renewable energy, find a better solution for garbage. Like, should we truck all that shit to the lava? Sacrifice our garage sins at the altar of the earth. Destruction and birth. My heart says, clean up the oceans and get a handle on our disrespectful animal farming. Expect more of people and end apathy. Freeze spending on war and give it back to the people to rebuild and get educated. End poverty and segregation. Acknowledge privilege, share and stop blaming.
Invest in sciences and healthcare advantages. Make health a priority above all. Protect us from unseen biological time bombs, the next plague that will wipe us out, and expose the fragility of all we call power. It’s coming.
Make mental health a priority. Teach feelings and expression. Stop jailing our addicts and get them help. Take care of families. Acknowledge the end of the Industrial Age and train people for the new jobs they will need.
Know better, do better.
Listen to the natives before us, who have suffered greatly at our hands. while we burn their prayer and run oil through their water. They know the cost. The physical and spiritual cost of greed.
Create systems that support healthy and happy lives. Government that spends ethically.
I did an interview recently with a very inspiring man who insisted that this kind of idealism was not only possible but that it is within our grasp. The pessimist in me, the one that masquerades as a realist, struggles to see that truth but my heart knows it’s possible. There is a smarter way. One where we don’t have to work harder but rather work smarter. Equality is the answer.
Where science and religion have put down their pitchforks against one another and join forces at the awe-striking beauty that is our universe and go skipping off hand in hand with physics and chemistry. Accepting that we can't know everything and thus need to be humble. But we do know some things and that is not to be ignored. I feel the end of the old religions that force righteousness at the bequest of destroying the theology of others.
The next Great War is of words. It has already begun. Spinning doubt and weaving it into our day to day lives. Gaslighting your intuition with commodity. Calling the feminine “witch.” Selling productivity myths as happiness.
Attacking Human -“being.”
Dividing us into colors like a box of crayons. I say, resist drawing with one fucking color! We are all different. Let us acknowledge that. Fuck the sameness that diminishes our cultures. Abolish the fear of otherness, learn and respect. We can not be put into little boxes of gender, sexual preference or race. My body is not your body and your mind is not my mind. The human experience is not to seek sameness but to learn and grow from the natural tapestry before us.
In the end, this age is the end of something. Our hindsight will tell us what we were the age of and therefore can not predict it’s future. And yet, I can’t help but feeling a deep impending doom. It gurgles in my gut and tells me to be prepared.
This intuition, this fear - I want to ignore it and I try but the drum beats louder as the days go on. Something is coming. The end of something. It feels big. It feels ground shifting. Like the extinction of an entire school of thought. I’ve spent a year decoding this strange message in my journals and untangling it’s web. It doesn’t feel personal. It’s not a message for me personally. It feels universal.
And that scares me.
